Safety and Sweet Sweetness

As you may have gleaned from an earlier post about earthquake preparation, Japan is very conscious about safety. In America, I think we are less concerned with safety. I don't think I ever donned a helmet in all my years of biking and rollerblading. Am I a rebel? Probably. Look out ladies. I live on the wild side! In Japan, you can bet that kids riding bikes wear helmets, knee pads, elbow pads, and probably life vests just in case. 

 Here is the proof. All the kids went ice skating a few months ago (as part of the curriculum required for citizenship?). I think I read somewhere that in order to vote in elections, you have to be able to throw a 360 Axel. Here you can see all of the kids wearing helmets with their ice skates. The teacher is too. That guy on the right is more my speed...I also imagine he is a professional. 

 I sent a package home today and found some sweet stamps featuring Dragonball Z. Cool right? Dragonball was the favorite TV show of my brother and I about 12 years ago. I was going to buy it, but the stamps are about a dollar a piece. This picture will suffice, and I saved 10 dollars. 

This here is the best discovery of the entire month of February! I was walking through the grocery store checking out some prices on things. I had already done my weekly shopping, but I had to get more money from the store. As I passed by one of the displays on the end of the aisle, I saw a wonderful sight that nearly made my eyes pop our of my head. 

I make it a point to know when any flavor of Hi-Chew is available. I keep a keen and discerning eye out. For me to come across this bounty is unprecedented! The Japanese words at the top say that this is the Golden Pack (or something like that). I know that it says Golden at the top. They kind of kept in the family of yellow foods. Mango, Pineapple, and Kiwi. They make it look like the kiwi is yellow in that picture (which is clearly wrong). I tried them, and they are AMAZING! I tried to decide how many to buy, and I settled on 6 packs. After having tried them, I will be buying out their entire stock tomorrow. Hope you are all excited to try them, because this is probably what you are going to get as a present from Japan. 

As I spent my hard earned money on candy, I realized how proud my 8-year-old self would be of me. When I was really young, I could imagine nothing better than spending 20 bucks on candy. As we get older, we spend a lot more money like we never thought we would. I reclaimed my lost childhood in that sense and hereby commit to continue spending money (somewhat needlessly) on fun things in the future. 

As I was going out to the parking lot of the grocery store, I was updating my Facebook status on my phone. That is how excited I was to share that I had found 3 new flavors. I was perfunctorily looking around for my car and I found it and went to get in. As I looked in my car as I reached for the handle, I wondered when I had bought bright pink leopard print seat covers...oops. I immediately realized that I was getting in the wrong tiny white car and put my phone down and looked around (both for my car, and to see if people were staring at me). Luckily for me, it is common practice for Japanese men to sit in their cars in parking lots. They just sit there and keep guard on the parking lot (I would think that they are waiting for their wives?). There was one such fellow right behind me. I can imagine I am being talked about at some dinner table tonight. 

Graduation (kind of)

'Tis the season! You would think that it is bizarre that I would be writing a graduation-like post in February, but it isn't. In Japan, the school year goes from April to March. Thus we are entering in to the last weeks of the school year. Turns out it must be the season for squid and squid-like animals as well. We have eaten squid or it's family members 2/4 days this week. Yay me. 

Our student government (I think) put on a program for the graduating 9th graders who are going to be entering high school in a few weeks. This meant that all the classes were cancelled on Monday afternoon so that we could have a 2 hour assembly with parents and whatnot. They sang songs and gave a bunch of speeches. It was really long good. 

One thing that they do right is that they had a graduating student speak about one teacher in front of everyone as they stood in a group. The student would call out the teachers name and then say lots of nice things about them. I presume they were thanking them. After we got through about 6 teachers, I wondered if they would do one for me. They did. A girl called out Mr. Jeffu. I straightened up and smiled so the people looking at me would know that I appreciated whatever they said. She started saying nice things in what I thought was Japanese. About halfway through, I realized that she was speaking English and I should really pay attention. She was speaking really fast and with an accent, so all I caught was "...stories from your country...Christmas...good example...make me want to learn..." I appreciated it anyway. 

The sweet setup on the cafeteria. They transformed it to look awesome right? 

I ran across this on Thursday at one of my elementary schools. Those are megaphones. Look how gigantic! They have their own tripod and everything. I don't think I can call anything smaller than this a megaphone in good conscience. I guess I will have to call the smaller ones miniphones or just phones. 

Ah, Japanese first graders. In the comedy that is my life, I eat with these kids once a month. Either there is a serious problem where the shortest kid in class is gone every time I eat with them, or they just like putting me in the smallest desk imaginable. That desk with nothing on it? Yep, that is the one I am supposed to sit at. Don't worry, they all found it hilarious when I sat next to it. To give you perspective, the desk top was lower than my knee.

Being the sweet kids that they are, they also decided to give me extra portions of lunch that day. The only problem was that yesterdays menu was cuttlefish and shrimp in an awful chili sauce. I watched as each of these kids took no more than 2 or 3 tiny pieces for themselves. When they dished up mine, they gave me about...25. 

We had rain yesterday and then some scary fog roll in. I took some pictures for you. 

*Spooooooky Nooooooises!*

I will probably have another graduation post for you, as the real graduation isn't for a few weeks. I have to wear a suit to the real one. 

Goodbye and Kampai

This week was the last time I will see the 2nd graders before they become 3rd graders in about a month. The teacher thought it would be a good idea to take a picture. I figured I was game for whatever, so I tried to organize the 7-year-olds for the picture. 

 One of these things is not like the other...

 Cute kids right?

 This group of kids really likes it when I do the money noise and make the faces that go with (I can never do better than my animal English lesson). 

 We had an office drinking party on Friday. I went to the store before the party to restock on supplies. I bet your grocery store doesn't have guys that speak on megaphones, wave flags, and stop traffic when you leave. Mine does. These are the guys. True American Japanese heroes. 

 Flag/loudspeaker guy (he is really into it)

 The store just started stocking produce. They also sell tortillas. TORTILLAS! 

 On my way, I passed a hair salon called "Manish." It is not for men. 

 The place settings for the office party. That table is about 21 inches off the floor. 

 This scroll and teapot are in a little alcove on one end of the room for some reason. 

 This time I took pictures of all the foods so that you can be jealous. Earlier in the week we had a Quadra-kill at lunch. This meal was far more of an affront to the animal kingdom. This picture here is of octopus. Usually I am not a fan of suckers...but I made an exception here. It was outrageously good. It was like delicious ocean chicken. Animal 1.

 Though this looks like a hobo dinner, it is actually fish and tofu and whatnot. It has yellowtail that fell apart when you jabbed at it with chopsticks. Amazingly good. Animal 2.

 I don't know what this is called, but it is like a soup with an egg in it. I am not 100% sure what all was in there, but I did see shrimp. Animal 3. 

 Duck with a potato that was fried and covered with mustard. Animal 4.

 This place is so classy, they don't even bother putting rice with the sushi. Just a plate of raw fish and wasabi. Pictured here is tuna, mystery fish, mystery fish, mystery fish, and mussel. Animal 5, 6, 7, 8 and 9.

The main course is eel. Evidently this restaurant is well known for their eel. It was amazing. It was great the last time, and it was great this time. Animal 10. 

Soup with onions, mushrooms, and mystery white blobs. No animals seemed to be in this soup.

 Japanese picked vegetables (gross).

Last was the palate-cleanser. The most disappointing of the dishes, it was a cube of tasteless jelly with some light accents of fruit-like substance (there may have been fish in this).

Total count is 10 animals in one meal. Afterwards we went for karaoke again. I was conscripted to sing 4 Queen songs. I will say that that is extra taxing on the voice. The songs were: Don't Stop Me Now, Under Pressure, We are the Champions, and Bohemian Rhapsody. In case you were wondering, I can be booked for private karaoke gigs.

P.S. Kampai is what you shout when you toast. We also did "Banzai" which is what you shout when you throw your hands in the air. It is a cheer for 10,000 years, long life, or hooray. We all stood up and did the Banzai cheer for the junior high. 

I'm An Idiot

This may come as a surprise to some, but I am a fool. Often time s I do things that are silly. Today I discovered one of those things. I am a pretty religious diet-soda-only drinker. I go to great pains to avoid drinking pure sugar. The reason for that is easy. I don't want to get diabetes and I enjoy my calories coming from things that are fried when I can help it.  I buy my soda in bulk because it comes in a box rather than an individual bottle. In Japan, it is nearly impossible to find a 2 Liter bottle of anything. Consequently, I go through many 1.5 liter bottles. 

Today after I rode the bike (new best for the new year, 32 minutes, 20km), I noticed the label of one of the bottles I had on the floor. Turns out that I have been drinking a fair bit of sweet sugary Pepsi Twist without the sweet diet nature. Oops. I have been drinking enough calories to cancel out bike riding...so that is cool. 

In my defense, the bottles look nearly identical. The color schemes are the same. I wish I could blame it on the face that I live in Japan and the label is in Japanese, but it isn't. I just missed it. Although, I have noticed myself being generally less observant about things since living in Japan. I tune it out because I cant understand anything anyway. I have also picked up a nasty habit of not listening because I assume no one is speaking English (which I am right about 99.9 percent of the time). 

For tonight's entertainment, I am watching the 25th anniversary of the Phantom of the Opera production that was performed at Royal Albert Hall and broadcast around the world. I highly recommend it. I have a friend who is borderline obsessed with the show (Hi Cody!), and his enthusiasm has worn off on me. Before I left for Japan, we had a great weekend in Vegas and we went to see the Phantom showy thing at the Venetian. I also saw the show when I was little with my mom and sisters, and it is the only show I have been to see on Broadway. I still remember going on family road trips and my sisters would listen to the tape. My memories of the adventures on the road are inseparably combined with Phantom and the Tillamook cheese factory (squeaky cheese for the win!).

25 years old makes it just older than me by less than a year. It would seem that pretty awesome/long-lasting things were made in the late 80s. 

Valentimes Day

I know it is spelled wrong, I did it on purpose. Valentine is much like Valentime. As you may know, Valentine's if pretty much already over here in Japan. It was a seemingly uneventful day as I started teaching classes, but quickly took a turn. First, the Jazz lost embarrassingly to the New Orleans Hornets. I don't want to talk about it thanks. We had fish for lunch (last year I had Hibachi grill steak, just saying). We did get some chocolate at lunch because in Japan, women give men chocolate and other things on Valentine's Day, not the other day around. My kind of country. 

After the embarrassing loss, I headed to my car to go home. That is when the fun started. It would seem that I had left my headlights on and my car was dead. Yay! I sheepishly went in to visit the other teachers to ask for help in jump starting my car in the snow. They helped me out and we got it started. The battery was almost 6 years old and due for a new one. Another ALT told me that I could get it changed at a gas station, so I went said atarashi (new) battery (battery). I made some complicated gestures with my hands and they seemed to know what I was talking about. I asked how much and they said some numbers I didn't understand. I said OK. I also got an oil change by pointing at a sign on the wall. 

25 minutes later and I was on my way. How much did it cost? Much. I estimate I paid double for a battery that was half the size of batteries back in America...something like 80 dollars. On top of the 20 for the oil change, this has been the most expensive Valentine's Day of my life! Hooray!

I decided to balance out the universe by making a good delicious dinner. I set out in search of hamburgers. Technically, this was the second journey for hamburgers as I tried some awful combination of meat-like substances called a hamburger steak yesterday. I can not find ground beef anywhere in this country. All the ground beef-like things I find have pig and cow...but I would not be deterred. I also found some Chili Taco flavored corn chips. 

 Also, I got donuts. Don't cry for me Argentina...these donuts were semi-passable.

 I got creative and fried an egg to put on top of the burger. Putting an egg on your burger makes it "Aussie Style" I am told. That means that this one is for you Matt and Kate! 

 Despite looking in 2 grocery stores, there were no hamburger buns to be found. I found some last week with no problems, but evidently lots of Japanese people wanted burgers as well. 

Precious frozen bacon from Costco. To me, it is like the fine china. You only use it on special occasions, but it provides peace of mind knowing that you have something special held in reserve. 

To cap it off, I am watching a classic lovey-dovey movie. Braveheart. You may not think it is a love-filled movie but it is. William loves the girl who gets her throat cut, and the future king of England loves that dude who the king throws out a window, and then William impregnates the future queen! You will notice that I didn't put a spoiler alert on that, but if you haven't gotten around to watching Braveheart in the last 16 years...too bad. 

Face Masking and the Quadra-kill

Fifteen yard penalty for illegal face mask. I like football, which is relatively unrelated to what I am talking about. In Japan, people wear face masks...all the time. Of the 15 people currently in the same room as me, 7 are wearing face masks. You get used to it after a while, but it really confused Brad when he came. Last week I was teaching the 5th graders and EVERY kid was wearing one. The teacher was too.

Though it looks like ground zero for a zombie infection movie, I am told that it is less sinister. The Japanese (and many Asian cultures I am told) wear face masks to avoid getting sick, or getting other people sick. If you have a cough, you wear a mask. If someone else has a cough, you wear a mask. If it is Tuesday...yep, you wear a mask. I like the idea behind it of helping people not get sick and not becoming sick yourself, but I will never do it. Why you ask?

Because of my super strong Gaijin immunities, I have not been really sick at all since coming to Japan. I see about 500 kids every week and they all want to touch me, yet I remain unaffected. Boom! They should use me for tests or something to create super soldiers. 

I had an interesting experience in class earlier. Being immune to disease and sickness does not make me immune to blemishes of the face (some would say that the whole face area is a blemish, but that is mean). I had a blemish which I cut while shaving. No biggie right? There was a nice red mark on my face though where the cut had been. My Japanese co-teacher found the best time to point that out in the class we were teaching (28 13-year-olds). The dialogue is as follows:

Furiya Sensei: Mr. Jeff, you have something on your face here. 

Me: Oh...I cut myself shaving.

Furiya Sensei: (gesturing to class and speaking loudly) He cut himself shaving! Ok!

Me: Uh...thanks.

Glad I could help in the teaching of these kids right? It was weird. 

Last point, the Quadra-kill. School lunch was pretty mellow today, some chicken, potatoes, spaghetti (not real spaghetti) and bread. I got thinking as I often do over lunch and I counted 4 animals that had to die for my school lunch. Take that PETA! There was pick, chicken, shrimp, and octopus. I am learning that the Japanese motto for food is: "If it moves, kill it and eat it." How else do you explain the Japanese being the ones to figure out how to eat Fugu? How many people had to die to get that one right? 

Video Killed the Radio Star

I am posting some videos so that you can see what my classes have been up to. Unfortunately for me, this took about 45 minutes to upload the videos so I didn't get to them yesterday. The topic of the day was creating an original story about a big turnip (don't ask). The kids made up their own characters to pull at the turnip. I saw a monkey, spider, godzilla, Colonel Sanders and others. Enjoy the finest English the 6th grade has to offer!

I also started teaching the 3rd graders about the weather. Here we are playing Hot and Cold. They aren't very good at it, and at some point I get distracted trying to help them figure it out. 

Finally, I want to tell you about pencil cases. I will discuss this more, but they are a big deal here in Japan. Big deal. You put stickers on them and they say something about who you are. One of my favorites is a pencil case that looks like a carton of milk. It is pink and pretty with a zipper near the top. It says Au Lait on it. Which I believe is French for 'The Milk' or something. Right under that it has a nice line that captures Japan really well. 'Strawberry Milk - Sweet and Sour.' Yum.

Lunchtime Lesson

Today I learned a series of valuable lessons. I will now outline them here for you. I learned them during lunchtime in the cafeteria of my junior high school. 

Lesson the First! First lesson is that while difficult, eating penne pasta with chopsticks can be quite gratifying. 

Lesson the Second! The second lesson is about the instructions we were delivered via PowerPoint for 20 minutes at the end of lunch. The lesson was on how to wash your hands. The lesson was presented in Japanese. I am not a doctor, but if the instructions made sense like I think they did in my head, the Japanese are on a whole other playing field when it comes to hand washing. If I were to rate them on an intensity scale of 1-10, they would receive a 9.7. They also followed this up with a lot of pictures of fingerprints. It was not an episode of CSI...I think. Lesson the Second was lost on me though. Why you ask? Because the Japanese have no paper towels in the bathroom. At all. I guess you are supposed to bring your own. 

Lesson the Third! The most important lesson came as I pondered over my bowl of soup. Today's soup was rather bland, relying primarily on the cabbage to bring the flavor train. The flavor train was delayed. Sure there were some potatoes in there too, but potatoes doesn't make something delicious. The best part of the soup was the cut up sausages in it. Japan really does sausages well by the way. This fact is important to the lesson.  

I, being wise and frugal, was saving the best part of the soup for last (the sausages). I like it because it leaves me feeling like I had something really good to eat, rather than something not very good with a few highlights. As I hoarded my sausage at the top of the bowl, what must have been a highly localized earthquake came and shook my seat only. This caused me to lose hold of the bowl and dump it out all over the table/floor. Due to the lack of towels mentioned in Lesson 2, I was stuck. I ended up getting some help and one teacher even got me a new bowl of soup. Alas, this bowl of soup lacked even one piece of sausage, and mine had rolled on the floor. 

So I came up with this philosophy as I choked down my garbage...er...cabbage. Life is a lot like soup. You can save up the good things until the end or 'later,' but you never know when you are going to lose hold of your soup (die). Therefore, you should take every opportunity to be wise with your sausages for they are the flavor of life. Take the opportunities as they come, and plan for ones in the future. I will leave it to you (faithful readers) to determine what the sausage of life is. For me, it is probably different than you. Essentially, take the opportunities you have in good time instead of pushing them off to tomorrow. 

Also. Wash your hands.

P.S. Have you ever eaten an orange that had seeds inside? I have not...until today. Why would you serve polluted fruit? I feel that as a planet, we deserve seedless oranges and grapes for all. 

Coming Soon

So I decided that I need some exercise in my life. Weird right? I could even consent to salad, but I don't know how to find a dressing I like in America, let alone in a country where they are sneaky about putting fish in everything. I have a goal to climb Fuji later this year. It is a task. One that I am sure I can do, but I don't want to have it take all day/night and never be able to walk again. So I have sought out my old mistress...the stationary bike. I have a had a few go-rounds with the lovely circular demon, but I am taking it up a notch...like Emeril BAM! The goal is to actually look less like Emeril...ZING!

I took to biking a few years ago with a wise tutor named Stu who pushed me to near blackouts on the stationary bike. After about a month, we were riding for 26 miles at time in about 70 minute sessions. I learned a lot from him and I was even bequeathed much of his music selection when I graduated college. One thing that he made a great point about was the fact that I am a big guy (news flash). This makes running problematic for me since I have never really been good at it and have a history with bad knees. The solution then is something that is lower impact. On a stationary bike, you choose the resistance, but there is far less impact on your joints. 

Long story short, I debated this for a few weeks, and I pulled the trigger yesterday at work. I ordered a stationary bike off of Japanese Amazon. The best part about living in Japan is that the standard shipping method is essentially overnight. I ordered it at 11 am on Friday and it showed up on my doorstep on Saturday at 12. They even do COD orders so you don't have to use a card. I spent the evening setting it up and finding a new place for it. After that I took a little practice ride. Needless to say, I am having to start from scratch again. A 13 minute, 3.5 mile ride was good enough for me. I will keep you updated on my progress or something. 

The product picture. Soon I am going to look as fit as that Japanese lady! I know what you are thinking, and yes the bike is a little short, but it will work. More flex than I would like in my legs, but better than trying to run in 25 degree weather (also, I am pretty sure that running is slow torture made up by a select few to make the rest of the world feel inadequate).