Face Masking and the Quadra-kill

Fifteen yard penalty for illegal face mask. I like football, which is relatively unrelated to what I am talking about. In Japan, people wear face masks...all the time. Of the 15 people currently in the same room as me, 7 are wearing face masks. You get used to it after a while, but it really confused Brad when he came. Last week I was teaching the 5th graders and EVERY kid was wearing one. The teacher was too.

Though it looks like ground zero for a zombie infection movie, I am told that it is less sinister. The Japanese (and many Asian cultures I am told) wear face masks to avoid getting sick, or getting other people sick. If you have a cough, you wear a mask. If someone else has a cough, you wear a mask. If it is Tuesday...yep, you wear a mask. I like the idea behind it of helping people not get sick and not becoming sick yourself, but I will never do it. Why you ask?

Because of my super strong Gaijin immunities, I have not been really sick at all since coming to Japan. I see about 500 kids every week and they all want to touch me, yet I remain unaffected. Boom! They should use me for tests or something to create super soldiers. 

I had an interesting experience in class earlier. Being immune to disease and sickness does not make me immune to blemishes of the face (some would say that the whole face area is a blemish, but that is mean). I had a blemish which I cut while shaving. No biggie right? There was a nice red mark on my face though where the cut had been. My Japanese co-teacher found the best time to point that out in the class we were teaching (28 13-year-olds). The dialogue is as follows:

Furiya Sensei: Mr. Jeff, you have something on your face here. 

Me: Oh...I cut myself shaving.

Furiya Sensei: (gesturing to class and speaking loudly) He cut himself shaving! Ok!

Me: Uh...thanks.

Glad I could help in the teaching of these kids right? It was weird. 

Last point, the Quadra-kill. School lunch was pretty mellow today, some chicken, potatoes, spaghetti (not real spaghetti) and bread. I got thinking as I often do over lunch and I counted 4 animals that had to die for my school lunch. Take that PETA! There was pick, chicken, shrimp, and octopus. I am learning that the Japanese motto for food is: "If it moves, kill it and eat it." How else do you explain the Japanese being the ones to figure out how to eat Fugu? How many people had to die to get that one right? 

Lunchtime Lesson

Today I learned a series of valuable lessons. I will now outline them here for you. I learned them during lunchtime in the cafeteria of my junior high school. 

Lesson the First! First lesson is that while difficult, eating penne pasta with chopsticks can be quite gratifying. 

Lesson the Second! The second lesson is about the instructions we were delivered via PowerPoint for 20 minutes at the end of lunch. The lesson was on how to wash your hands. The lesson was presented in Japanese. I am not a doctor, but if the instructions made sense like I think they did in my head, the Japanese are on a whole other playing field when it comes to hand washing. If I were to rate them on an intensity scale of 1-10, they would receive a 9.7. They also followed this up with a lot of pictures of fingerprints. It was not an episode of CSI...I think. Lesson the Second was lost on me though. Why you ask? Because the Japanese have no paper towels in the bathroom. At all. I guess you are supposed to bring your own. 

Lesson the Third! The most important lesson came as I pondered over my bowl of soup. Today's soup was rather bland, relying primarily on the cabbage to bring the flavor train. The flavor train was delayed. Sure there were some potatoes in there too, but potatoes doesn't make something delicious. The best part of the soup was the cut up sausages in it. Japan really does sausages well by the way. This fact is important to the lesson.  

I, being wise and frugal, was saving the best part of the soup for last (the sausages). I like it because it leaves me feeling like I had something really good to eat, rather than something not very good with a few highlights. As I hoarded my sausage at the top of the bowl, what must have been a highly localized earthquake came and shook my seat only. This caused me to lose hold of the bowl and dump it out all over the table/floor. Due to the lack of towels mentioned in Lesson 2, I was stuck. I ended up getting some help and one teacher even got me a new bowl of soup. Alas, this bowl of soup lacked even one piece of sausage, and mine had rolled on the floor. 

So I came up with this philosophy as I choked down my garbage...er...cabbage. Life is a lot like soup. You can save up the good things until the end or 'later,' but you never know when you are going to lose hold of your soup (die). Therefore, you should take every opportunity to be wise with your sausages for they are the flavor of life. Take the opportunities as they come, and plan for ones in the future. I will leave it to you (faithful readers) to determine what the sausage of life is. For me, it is probably different than you. Essentially, take the opportunities you have in good time instead of pushing them off to tomorrow. 

Also. Wash your hands.

P.S. Have you ever eaten an orange that had seeds inside? I have not...until today. Why would you serve polluted fruit? I feel that as a planet, we deserve seedless oranges and grapes for all. 

Catchall Part 1

So I have a series of random stories that have happened through the last few weeks. I don't have any real good way to tie them together...here we go?

 First off. Japanese fashion is...terrible. It seems that most male fashion in Japan is loosely based on Jack Sparrow, but in an awkward way. Not this guy though. He evidently got into a Delorean that didn't have enough plutonium to get back to the present. You can see that he is wearing: Hammer pants, earing in the left ear, plaid, big Ray-Bans, bowler hat and a the tie to a fancy curtain.

 Thanksgiving was last week, I showed the kids how to make hand turkeys. We wrote all the things we are thankful for on the fingers. I have written sensei (teacher), tabemono (food), tomodachi (friends), and family (family). 

 I found this picture hanging in the hall at one of my elementary schools. The thing in the middle of the rice fields is my small elementary school.

 We get treats at the elementary school when the kids go home... I love the Engrish on the cookie. "The choice raisins are sandwiched in between cookies baked elaborately with fresh milk." Not bad right? I don't really know how you bake a cookie elaborately though...

 Thursday we had a fire drill. Odd right? I was interested in seeing what would happen. Such questions in my mind were "would the kids change their shoes before going outside" and "is this what the helmets in all the classrooms are for?"

 Consequently, during the firedrill, I was left pretty much alone in the staff room. Kind of eerie. I guess I was deemed "non-essential personnel."

 Yes, they do wear the helmets for this. The teachers put on the helmet and lead their students out to line up on the soccer field. Unfortunately for the kids, they were doing this in December...and it was raining. 

They are all into it. They cover their mouths as though there was smoke. You may be asking yourself, as I was, what the kids have on their heads. The kids are wearing their chair cushions on their heads...yeah. Awesome.

 Oh yeah, the tea lady was left to die in the inferno with me. 

 I just thought this was funny. Japan is all about jumpsuits. This brand makes me laugh.

 Today, I had the office manager come up to me and tell me something in unintelligible Japanese. The only words I caught were cafeteria and some pointing. I went to the cafeteria to find this. As near as I could tell from the sashes and the speaking, these are the student body elections. They wanted me to listen, so I did. I passed 3 levels of Angry Birds. Unfortunately, I almost missed the ending stand-up-and-bow.

 My JTE asked me to take over a class for her in the afternoon. We played an awesome game of Jeopardy. Things were going well for about 10 minutes until a student came in, mumbled, and all the students stood up and walked out. Naturally, I followed them down to the first floor where they were voting.

They take it very seriously. It was absolutely silent the room, and this kid would let them in one by one. Democracy at work people. 

In other news, I tried a Tim Tam Slam today for the first time. I was absolutely blown away. Tim Tams are chocolate covered cookie things from Australia. You can find them for a price here in Japan. A Tim Tam Slam is biting both ends off of the Tim Tam and drinking a hot beverage through it. I tried it with hot chocolate. The cookie gets soggy and starts to fall apart as you drink. Before it totally collapses, you pop it in your mouth and experience the best sugary snack I may have ever had. These are my new favorite everything. 

Ketchup Post

Fair warning, this post contains no ketchup. Although, I did eat 3 (count them 3) Big Macs at lunch today. It is a celebration for the Big Mac this week, so they were only 200 yen. Cheap hamburger = happy Jeff. The Big Mac in Japan lacks the same quality that you find in America.

I have a few random pictures that have made their way into this 'ketchup post.' Clever and an appetite...how am I still single? Seriously, how? 

How about this little bugger that I found on my wall. (get it? bugger?)

 A close up. Seconds from the painful death it suffered at the hands of poison. 

 Awesome choir room at my Junior High. I took this while everyone was having the special teacher afternoon. They bring in 11 different teachers every so often to do special classes for the Junior High students. They learned stuff like cake making, wood working, calligraphy, wool doll making, tea ceremony, some Chinese game, nature painting, and pottery. It was interesting to go around and see the kids doing all of the classes. I got invited to participate in the tea ceremony. When done right, I am pretty sure that it is a beautiful tradition, but it required sitting in Seiza position (which you may remember from an earlier post). It was like painful Japanese torture. Both my feet fell asleep during it, but I bore like a champ.

 I found this sign in the hall that made me laugh. I think we should all catch dream. 

 I am concerned at this picture. It makes me feel...really weird. 

 Saturday we had the pub quiz! It was at a cafe in Otsuki. It was a little long (4 hours) but I was a phenomenal asset to my team. I was able to answer every Lord of the Rings question. 

 These are people who are from the Yamanashi area. 

 Elliot on the left and Nick on the right. Elliot was on my team, and we dominated some people. 

 Pizza and fish and chips. The pizza was not spectacular.  

 Carlos the Irish Spanish master who was on my team. We won those 'punny' shirts. 

 Devil horns, they fit right? 

 Carlos (previously mentioned), Karen (also Irish), and Christina (my next door neighbor).

 Also went to Don Kihote. Yeah, it is like it sounds. It is a mega store of all sorts of bizarre stuff.

 Coin-op machines full of Japanese characters. 

 THEY HAVE PUPPIES! This is a little tiny chihuahua. 

 Other tiny puppies!

 Check. Out. This. TINY. DOG! Cute right? Problem: This dog costs about 1,800 dollars. 

 Also, kittens. Can't express my love for the kittens. 

 They sell a whole lot of Halloween stuff here which is rare because Japan doesn't celebrate Halloween much. 

 Here is a nifty little item: A pillow that has all the lovable characteristics of a body wearing a thong. Weird right? I accidentally wandered into a not-clearly marked section of the store where I found many confusing items. It took me an embarrassing 20 seconds or so to realize what I was looking at. At this point, I felt weird and scuttled away. 

 Red Cozy Blanket. Amazing right? I think I am actually going to get one of these! 

They have a whole bunch of imported stuff here. I got some Sour Cream and Onion Lays, Jalepeno Pringles and Doritos! The chips pictured remind me of the Sabor de Soledad chips in the TV show 30 Rock.

Who wants one of these? I can get them to you. What is better than pretending that you have a pet, and that it is rooting through the trash? These are one of many treasures that you will find at Don Kihote.  

Tale of Two Lunches

Lunch the first. Friday, September 2nd. Nagasaka Junior High School

As I looked down at my tray that had been prepared for my by the students of the junior high, I had a bad feeling. Usually in these situations, I work back from the familiar. "Bread, I know what that is" "That there is some kind of chicken." On this day, I only recognized one thing. Pineapple. Not bad right? I could live with pineapple. Fruit is rare and expensive in Japan, so it usually acts as the dessert.

The plate had some kind of salad with chicken and green beans that can only be described as slimy. I am relatively sure that I recognized some part of an egg mixed in around with the chicken. Eggy and slimy. On to the soup-stuff. I have discovered that Friday at the junior high is basically "Eat with a spoon day." All of the dishes that they have on Friday are meant to be poured over a bed of rice and eaten with a spoon. I figured this out when I looked for my chopsticks and found only a spoon. Watching what the others did, I poured the stuff over the rice. The whole concoction was vaguely yellow and had the consistency of the liquid (or semi-liquid) that is left over in the turkey pan on Thanksgiving. I don't know about you, but I usually call that...slimy. I spotted a few hard boiled eggs kicking around in there like eyeballs. Eggy and slimy.

As for what else was in this turkey leftover concoction, I can't honestly tell you. I only recognized carrots and daikon. Daikon is a big root (or tuber) that the Japanese revere. It is kind of like a radish/potato. It isn't bad, but I won't be buying any soon. The other things looked like various medieval shapes. First off was a vegetable that looked like an octopus tentacle with suckers on all sides, then struck me as looking like a mace with rectangular points for bludgeoning. In this medieval medley there was a...food substance (though there is no way to be sure) that looked like side of a tiny gingerbread castle. It was cut in a way that made it look like it had battlements across one side where archers could shoot. I hesitate to say it was food because it had the texture of Styrofoam. In addition to the rest, there were at least 3 other things I didn't recognize, but I choked it down.

I am sure it is good for my character, and I bet my digestive tract is thankful for the insoluble fiber. I have resolved to find out what it is called and make sure that I bring a backup the next time lunch is brought to you by the words egg and slimy.

Lunch the second. Monday, September 5th. Nagasaka Junior High School

Even as I write this, the glory of the lunch recently eaten sits in my belly. As I looked at the plate, I could recognize every single thing I was being served. I saw white bread, chicken, potato salad (kind of) and egg soup. You may think, based on a recent run-in with eggs, that I am not a fan of egg. I assure you that I am, but not when they are slimy. With the bread was jam and butter in a package. I watched those around me to see how they would eat when I saw the head teacher squeeze the jam and jelly onto the piece of bread, slap the chicken and some potato on there and start going to town. Interesting, but not for me. I enjoy my flavors separately and allow my pallet to tie them together.

I used one piece of fine Japanese white bread as a counter balance for my soup, and put the butter and jelly on the other. The chicken, though small, was delicious. I don't know how the Japanese do it, but I have yet to have an un-juicy piece of chicken. Even the stuff I cook at home comes out bursting with juice. After my potato salad (with ham nonetheless) was finished, I moved on to my dessert. 3 green grapes. You may be thinking, as I was, that 3 grapes is a rather odd number to choose. Empowered by a meal eaten that I enjoyed and could recognize, I moved on to my grapes a little faster than the rest. I popped one of them into my mouth and bit down only to discover that the grape contained garbage.

Farbeit for me to criticize the Japanese on their grape production, but it was not what I expected. Most green grapes in this country are still sweet; this thing was tart and sour. These facts alone don't condemn the grape, but the seeds and stem in the middle do. The skin was also thick and unchewable. Not knowing about these things before hand, I just bit into it and started munching away. Initially, I thought I had broken a tooth on the evil Japanese sour "fruit." I discovered that it was just the 5 seeds inside. I know I have been lucky to have only seedless grapes before, and there is a reason...seeded grapes are too much work for not enough enjoyment. After spitting out my garbled pile of undigestibles, I threw the other two grapes away. Fool me once, strike one Fool me twice...strike three.  

Internet Problems

So I know that you ravenous wolves are at the door salivating for the opportunity to read some more observations of mine in Japan. By ravenous wolves, I really mean my family and Liz. Well, here we are. I am having internet problems at home currently. Before you get worked up and storm the offices of the Japanese internet company, it`s ok. I am online now at work with not a whole lot to do (students are testing today). So I am left with some time to update you on what is going on.

Yesterday I went to school for the first time for a full day. Overall, it was good and bad. I met the other teachers, which was good. The unfortunate part was trying to talk to...anyone. It turns out that I don`t speak Japanese. While this is not news to me, it seems to be news to them. Despite my best efforts to tell them that I don`t understand, they just rattle away in Japanese. It is quite frustrating. Consequently, I am trying harder to learn Japanese words and perfecting my blank stare.

On my drive to work, I saw Fuji again, and when I got to work, I was able to see it out the window from where I sit. That only lasted for about 15 minutes before the clouds rolled in and covered it up. They say Fuji is very shy. Whatevs. If I were a famous mountain, everyone would bask in my glory 24/7.

I went to the sunflower festival by myself which was relatively fun. I will upload some pitures, but I think I missed the good part of the festival by a few days because the flowers looked sad and dying. I did have sunflower ice cream and got a few pictures of one field of flowers. Not to be jaded or anti-botanist, but flowers aren`t terribly interesting on their own merits. Did you know that? I suspected, but now I know for sure. Also, we always considered sunflowers weeds when I was growing up. Corn on the other hand, that is a plant! It is delicious, interesting and you can make mazes out of it!

With that corny ending, I will conclude, satistfied that your thirst has been quenched for now.